Nightmare @ Eden

In the darkness
Standing in the shadows
With the ivy full of lethal sap
Crawling it's way up
Binding and bonding
With what once drew the birds
called the bees
tainted with tar  this being
what was once..a long while back
akin to the rainbows in the skies
...

ankle deep in sorrow
knees bent with the burden
on the shoulders scarred and wounded
tears hidden in the shades
as the thorns pierce in to the eyes
poisoning the blood with doom
filling the being with the present
blinded not by the light..
but from it..
deaf to all
-save the cries of surrender.

Finals aren't getting to me, I am getting to finals.

Ok guys. It's time for some serious talk now. WHAT HAS THIS WORLD COME TO?

Babies in our days would be applauded for saying "mama" or even better "googoogaagaa" as their first words! With the affairs of the world as they are today, soon enough they will say "Osamama" or "boom boom". No seriously, ever since I remember watching news, I remember war on TV. I remember watching guns fired, tanks rolling, bulletproof undies on super models and what not!

I think we humans just need to get over the idea of war. Or maybe, not call it war and not give it a completely negative intonation all the time. We should lighten up a bit maybe eh? How about calling it  "Human Death In the House PARTAY! W00T!"? Wait that doesn't abbreviate to a nice thing...so let's call it AHEP? Artificial Human Extinction Project? no that doesn't sound exciting enough. Let's just keep to WAR. WAT IS RONG?!

wtf mate. i was linked to this article the other day by a friend and it was about political correctness in the UK. The article went on to describe so many different cases of ridiculous political correctness fads. No more "christmas" on holiday season cards. No more arresting criminals since they are praying in a mosque. (Hell do their prayers even count if they are criminals..oh yeah..they are seeking mercy from god..but they can do that from jail too i would think?). Serving black jelly beans being labelled a racist deed. Wearing crosses for them airline crews in no visible manner only. GOOOBADY GOOBAGAWHAA? political correctness? seriously? Who is making up these rules? Who is being the judge for controlling the threshold of sensitivity? Alright. Whoever YOU ARE MR./MS SMARTYPANTS (mr/ms - have to be politically correct you know..) PLEASE NOTE DOWN THAT I DO NOT LIKE ANYBODY ELSE BEING CALLED TAWFIK.

Ok so for all of you who are about to say: "Oh no Tawfik you have a point but you are over simplifying the issue and generalizing it beyond what it deserves"
WELL YES I AM! AND MY DAD IS STRONGER THAN YOURS AND MY MUM IS COOLER THAN ALL OF YOUR MUMS! *ooooh burnnnnnn* *eat that shetbags!*

So yeah. The next time i call a white person white, a black person black and a brown person caramel topped with chocolate shavings, PLEASE don't call me racist. If you want racism well get this:

I'll give you 5 seconds to remember the name of a non-white, non-mutant super hero. -_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_ annnndd...? ok fine Lantern Man or whatever his name is..Oh and the weather girl from X-men. BUT..mutant! haha... Anybody else from the mainstream super hero gallery? well none that I could personally remember. So anyways. Point is there are many superheros that I don't really know, and i am sure there are many which are not of the same race as batman, superman (wait..he's an alien..) or spiderman. Batman is my all-time favourite btw...just saying.

Well ok. I have a lot of friends here at mcgill and some of them are really smart. Yeah some of them. At the McGill Institute of Imaging Research, there are a couple of friends who deal with photo manipulation and they perform what I would call magic. I asked them what it would be like if James Bond was from the Indian subcontinent. After days of playing around with pixels and connecting a couple of PS3's together to gather enough computing power, the guys managed to obtain a mind blowing result. Here it is:
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2261/2099203686_dca44e1dc7.jpg?v=0
OR
http://flickr.com/photos/7617731@N02/2099203686/

To be race-neutral, I have asked them to produce similar results for the asian version and the black version of james bond too. Results are being eagerly awaited.

Racial discrimination. IMO, that's perfectly FINE. *runs for life*

haha. ok wait. rephrase: in my humble opinion, (i am the best and you suck..hehe) racism is racism when we think that some particular person is bad/good/superior/inferior because of that person's race. If someone calls me a brown(ie), I wouldn't mind. What's there to mind really? :S If I DID mind though..I would instantly become racist myself. I mean..why should I assume that the person who's calling me brown is assuming an inferior/superior position than myself because I am brown..? I mean I am dashingly sexily handsome and what not (but that's just me..)..and that doesn't make me a better/smarter/more-capable person in any way.

lalalalalaaaaaaa (8) let's all celebrate our differences and not have war. let us kneel down to the true MASTER. let us look up at it with joy and expectations. All praise...the Ripe Banana (it's got black brown and yellow bits...[notice how i had to sort the races alphabetically?..sigh])

ok back to work :-\

DISCLAIMER:
fellow humans, this was just another random rant with a bit of paint work. i am not aware of any mcgill institute by the name i mentioned. and also i love you all. racism is SOOOO out. it's a thing of the past..and we should all just move on and live happily ever after. thank you for reading :)

With every tear...

...you go back one year.

It has snowed quite a bit already this year. Last night there were trucks clearing the sidewalks and the streets off the snow. They were loud enough to make the windows shake. Expecting more snowfall on Monday.

I miss home. I miss my family. I miss my room. I feel bad. Really bad.
I seek certainty in everything. I live on certainties and lead everyday to make whatever is uncertain, certain. My career is uncertain. That's why I am studying. But that doesn't mean I am unaware of the randomness of this world and its beings. I hold the random dear to my heart. But some things have to pass through this filter of randomness and stay as solid as they need be. My home, people I hold dear to my heart - they are at heart in their places. They aren't subject to the randomness of the world. Well they are. Maybe.

A long time back...perhaps 10 years ago, I was at a shopping centre (much like Provigo, but the middle eastern kind) with my parents. The shopping carts were my imaginary spaceships. My parents were my comrades (they had to be...otherwise the game wouldn't play right in my head - you know, i would have to change the storyline every time they dragged me somewhere). So on that particular evening, I think i ventured too much by myself and at one point i got lost. I couldn't find my parents anywhere. I kind of ran with my head towards the left looking at every aisle as i crossed them. They weren't there. I was filled with a horrible feeling of being lonely in a big world.

Soon after I found them though (they didn't really notice i was lost for a bit..). Inside, I was so happy I found my spaceship and my comrades. But while I was lost..it wasn't really that space game which continued to play on in my head. It was a very different thriller all together.

...A random anecdote there..

take for granted

1. To consider as true, real, or forthcoming; anticipate correctly.

2. To underestimate the value of: a publisher who took the editors for granted.

I take a lot of things for granted. By definition 1. Wasn't quite aware of definition 2 till today. My vocab is as limited as a bat's vision.

sigh..enough of non-sense rants..

Back to life. If I have one. :P

Good day!

Reflection - Tool

Reflection - Tool


It's calling me...

And in my darkest moment, feeble and weeping
The moon tells me a secret, a confidant
As full and bright as I am
This light is not my own and
A million light reflections pass over me
Its source is bright and endless
She resuscitates the hopeless
Without her, we are lifeless satellites drifting

And as I pull my head out I am without one doubt
You wanna peer down here survey my narcissism
I must crucify the ego before it's far too late
I pray the light lifts me out
Before I pine away.

Broken

A small worm crawled on the top of a railing. A railing that was around the roof-top of a 20 storied building. The sun was about to peep over the buildings of the city to finally call it dawn. The fog would probably take another hour or two to clear. A cold winter breeze gently swayed all the leaves on the top of that building. A girl walked walked up the stairs, through the door and out into the open. Under the open sky..she looked up and just wished for a moment that it was clear and sunny and warm on this winter morning. She decided to hang around for a while till the fog cleared. Had nothing much to do anyways..She flinched as she noticed the creepy crawler on the railing and just walked away in the opposite direction. The top of the building was pretty large and open..it was pleasurable to just wander around aimlessly.

In a small pile stashed away at a corner of this land, she had a bunch of the most random objects. Among them, was a small tin box full of little notes and scrap paper. The words on them without much value or meaning. But she was of the kind who wasn't a big fan of throwing things out. Everything she ever owned, ever made, ever became related to, turned in to a token of her memory. These little notes wouldn't make much sense to just anyone..twisted and metaphorical as they were. She was rummaging through the notes that day...one of these small pieces had a dark brown stain at a corner. She kind of smiled. It was a broken smile, reminding her of the time she bled from wounds she made herself. "It didn't hurt when.." she stopped her thought right there. Those were bad times...a time where she didn't really know the difference between day and night. Or rather..it was just all too foggy for her to have known. She found another note...almost felt embarrassed to read aloud her words in her own mind. She was..under the influence. Pins and needles..but of a whole different kind. She remembered those days..and just put the lid back on.

She glanced at the sun to see how far above the horizon it has gone...or maybe she was just trying to take her mind off for a bit..breathe a bit of the fresh air and just enjoy the misty weather. She scanned her eyes over the rest of the stuff...She knew from the changed positions that someone had his/her hands on her pile of stuff - maybe they were just looking for something useful. Heh. They sure didn't find anything. After all, it was just a collection of trash for anyone else - it even included a ceramic vase which has been glued together from pieces.

It was her favourite vase. During those times of pins and needles...one morning, she found it broken in her room. Given her level of attachment to even these inanimate objects, it's not too difficult to imagine how much pain she suffered for breaking something valued so much. The floor was wet..and the flowers, the stem and the leaves were strewn all over. She picked up all the pieces...careful to not leave out even the smallest of the pieces. Thankfully, it didn't shatter in to too many pieces...After letting the pieces dry for a while, she put them in a cardboard box and stashed it away in her closet.

It was only after a year or two that she brought out that cardboard box again. She was no longer under the leash...she was a free girl with a renewed spirit for life. As a challenge, and as a hobby, she decided to solve this puzzle in 3 dimensions. With a pack of superglue in stock, and after a few months of trial and error, she finally got the vase back to it's original shape. She took a billion pictures of it as she celebrated her success. She felt proud..content.

However, soon after, she got bored of it...and while giving her room a complete make over, she decided to put away the vase along with her other random junk on the rooftop of her building. There was no point in cluttering her apartment with these..and not a single soul in the building minded her using a bit of the roof-top space.

As the sun kept creeping higher in the sky and the fog got thinner..the sun started to shine its weak rays at the vase in the girl's hand. She looked at it...the lines where the pieces were brought together have collected some dust along the crease. They stood out and mapped the fragments out. She run her finger tip across the lines..thinking back about how proud she was to have built the vase back from scratch..but at the same time..she got reminded of the day she found it broken because of her own wasted time in life.

She was beginning to feel the warmth of the sun..finally. The morning mist was finally thinning out to give her a clear view of the city's skyline. The smog from the city's pollution smudged out the horizon..obviously. The girl felt happy. She looked up at the sky..and saw some nice white innocent clouds against the pale blue sky. She smiled. It's only possible for someone who has smiled at mother nature to know what it really feels like. She felt connected to the world. She felt happy - content with the world as it is. She headed towards the direction where she saw that worm earlier...It wasn't on the railing anymore..After minutes of looking around..through the leafy plants growing in pots around the roof, she found it. She realized this little bug was merely going from one plant to another. Slightly amused at her analysis of this little part of nature, she smirked.

It was time for her to go back to her apartment...so she closed the door behind her..and started off just another usual day - feeling completely refreshed by the clean morning air.

A grain of cinnamon

I am at the edge now..

I see the light coming through the window, I see the pale blue sky. Nothing exciting in the clouds, no shapes that make me wonder what they are. Nothing through the window beyond the usual urban skyline. Tops of houses, antennae and chimneys not in use. Not a picture out of a book or a frame out of a movie. It's just..another day from real life. But i am glad. I am no longer in that violent swirl, that whirlpool that sinks me to the bottom. That dark floor of the white ceramic world. Being ground against the walls as I am swirled around in that cyclone, i cried for help. But it was all muffled and subdued in that fluid of doom. All our cries..all our pain - they are all sucked in towards the center.

It was only a while ago that I was rescued. The most violent scene I have witnessed so far. As we moved in a circle near the edge of the world, we watched a huge dark void approaching us. It was a gross and haunting sight indeed...the mass of darkness surrounded by pink - with grooves and folds and creases all over it...till it faded, quite sharply actually, into a dessert of sandy brown..

The artifact appeared to be larger and larger - it was coming close, faster every moment. And then it happened. It touched the edge of our planet and it seemed that it's power was unleashed in an instant.

The darkness was an even powerful vortex than the one on our own planet. It sucked up the liquid at one end...I cannot describe in words how horrific the sight was - my friends..my fellow beings on this cruel world were being sucked up along with the liquid. They cried for help at the top of their voices. Everyone was powerless...everyone was being pulled towards the feared maelstrom..Helplessly we stared above watching our friends being taken away in to the dark abyss that had come to overtake our world.

In this chaotic state of confusion (excuse the redundancy..), little did I realize that I was much closer to the upward stream myself than I thought. I felt the sudden thrust as I reached the upward stream..I closed my eyes and prepared for it all to end. And it did.

I felt nothing..it was strangely cold. Reminded me of the days when I was in my home world - when I was surrounded by just my own and no one else. we had occasional quakes..but soon we all got used to them. I didn't know however, that with each quake we lost so many of our own from our world. That's just how I came to be here in this wet world - so different than my home..so many different beings with me here..

I opened my eyes. And I saw the window. I looked around. I could see the world I was in all this while, just below me. The dark void of doom above, was no longer there. I could breathe with ease. I stood up on the glassy floor under me.

I understood I was at the edge. I tried to jump over..to the other side that we all wondered about for all this while. But I couldn't move anymore..I was paralyzed. I was paralyzed by what I saw. I am not sure how long it had been since I reached that edge and how long i stayed there in my coma. But...it was time...

I decided to close my eyes, and ignore my senses as I waited for my end. I tried not to imagine how my fellows must have felt when they were sucked in by the dark vortex...At the last moment..I couldn't help my help my curiosity. I opened my eyes for a spare moment..and my last memory was that of the light around be being completely blocked out...i was inside it. It was warm. I do not know where i was..where i ended up being...

Soon..i just faded..

Leaves and Petals

Ok. So I believe it is time to write to my dear blog once again - addressed in third person as always.

The last time I wrote was in mid-June, so it has been about four and a half months since then. In mid-June, I was in Bangladesh enjoying one of the best summers of my life. It was a challenging year of McGill from August 2006 to May 2007, and it was absolutely awesome to be back home with my family and friends. It's pointless to go on about how I loved to be in the company of my family again - that is obvious. The four months went by sooner than I ever wanted it to. It was long enough however, to build few of the dearest memories in my life. At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, it was a life-changing experience.. Not in the way where I came back from death or something of that sort. It was just as if someone pressed F5 on my emotions for a quick refresh.

That much needed summer break is now a memory alright, but it lives on in my heart every single day. Sounds cliched, I know. But two months in to university again, amidst all the stress, the pressure, the hectic life, I find my solace in my memories. They hurt, they mend, they inspire.

I remember writing last year how amazingly fast university life is. It seems even faster this time. I have just 3 more weeks till finals, and then I am done with my 3rd semester at McGill. That's 1.5 years out of 4. So close to the halfway mark already. It seems only yesterday that I landed in Montreal again, moved in to my own apartment, bought all the textbooks and started to get settled here.. And at the same time, it seems like ages since I have seen my family, hugged them or kissed them. Time is a cunning foe. It's either too fast or too slow to be happy about it.

And now for the meaningless cryptic words that make my blogs just mine.
In the dark night skies, the stars shine..but I once read (and mentioned in one of my blogs) that you often don't see a star if you look directly at it. I forgot what the explanation was. But it happens that you can see some stars only when you are looking away. You see them from the corner of your eye. Sometimes, you just don't have to stare at the star to appreciate its beauty..You just know...and keep it subtle. Imagine a plant in a forest. Watching the sun and the moon shine day and night. Heh. i would imagine the plant to want all the light to shine only upon itself. I mean..they are green anyways. But anyways..I suppose..for a big tree...it really shouldn't matter if there's just weed growing around..A big tree has the sun and moon as its friend. Knows that it's closer to the light than anything else lying around.

Leaves shed, petals fall, branches are cut. But the roots stay strong and the plant lives through the cold winter. The sun and the moon shine on too...perhaps the clouds in the sky make the silly earthly beings wonder about the whereabouts of the mighty stellar bodies..but there really isn't a need for worry..unless someone is in dire need of wood..

 

To get back to sanity..or the insanity of McGill rather, I have two midterms this week. Another the week after. And this is also the second set of midterms..So yeah. It's not funny how crazy the schedules are, how crazy the demands from the courses are. But it's to be done. Soon..all this will be over. Soon, I will look back and say..oh those crazy not-retarded-at-all times. Right now, if I had a time machine, I would prolly not go around looking for tutenkhamun's real face..or look for Fry in the year 3000. I would just live my summer months over and over again. Or maybe just move ahead 3/4 years and live from there.

Oh well..time to get back to work now. Should be updating this over winter if all is well...or not well.. who knows. Take care and good bye!

"If you really believe something is going to do you some harm, it will."

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/6914492.stm

Dozens of people who believed the masts trigger symptoms such as anxiety, nausea and tiredness could not detect if signals were on or off in trials.

But when they thought the signal was on they reported more distress, suggesting the problem has a psychological basis.

However, the Environmental Health Perspectives study stressed people were nonetheless suffering "real symptoms".

"Belief is a very powerful thing," said Professor Elaine Fox, of the University of Essex, who led the three year study.

"If you really believe something is going to do you some harm, it will."

The study was funded by the Mobile Telecommunications and Health Research programme, a body which is itself funded by industry and government.

I just wanted to draw attention to 'placebo'.

Nail-cutters and inverted airplanes.

Arrite. So I had a dream last night (today morning rather) and I actually remember what it was about.

I visioned this interesting lotion which my dad was rubbing onto his fingers and nails. The effect of this lotion (or whatever) was that the long ends of his nails (the dead white ends that you would normally clip off) just dissolved away. In the dream, it was a natural alternate to clipping nails.

I am not sure if there IS such a product available in the market. If there isn't, I am "WOOOOHOOOO!". If there is, i want to try this product myself.


By the way, dad doesn't have long nails...no idea why he was the subject trying out the product.

ALSO,
in the same dream, by some weird continuation, I was wondering how some airplanes can fly inverted. I thought the wings were supposed to give them LIFT when flying normally...so when inverted the planes are supposed to be pushed down towards earth..innit? :S


Just to let you know, I have been having sleep trouble lately and i was on sedatives last night (didn't really get good sleep even so :( )

Top 10 reasons to date an engineer.

TEN TOP REASONS TO DATE AN ENGINEER

10.- The world does revolve around us... we choose the coordinate system
9.- No "couple" enjoy a better "moment"
8.- We know how to handle stress
and strain in a relationship
7.- We have significant figures
6.- EK301: The motion of rigid bodies
5.- Projectile motion: Do we need to say more?
4.- Engineers do it to specification
3.- According to Newton, if two bodies interact, their forces are equal
and opposite
2.- We know it's not the length of the vector that counts, but how you
apply the force
1.- WE KNOW THE RIGHT HAND RULE

Top 10 reasons to Date an Engineer

10. They are used to all nighters
9. They are always willing to experiment
8. They know how to increase and decrease friction
7. They know all about heat transfer
6. They do it with more torque
5. Engineering couples have better moments
4. They know how to deal with stress and strain
3. They know how to test their rigid cantilevers
2. "Lubrication, friction, and wear" is a class
1. They design and build large erections

Sunrise from Campus 2

It's almost 5 am as I write this. We have been studying ODEs (Math 263 - Ordinary Differential Equations and Linear Algebra) since last afternoon. I went home in the evening for a few hours nap.

As the night grew older, the pace of work decreased (perhaps exponentially). We (Nasser and I) went to Tim Horton's for a coffee break. Had quite some fun there with random blabbering and whacked out humour. This hyperactivity brought about by the prospects of flunking an exam is quite extraordinary. Nasser, after tiring himself out with incessant politically incorrect (often biologically negative) jokes, has now passed out. He has collected four chairs in this computer lab, put his backpack on one end, and hence made a bed for himself. As of now, he has snored 230947 times. 230948 now!

So...the exam is at 2 pm...and I am still trying to figure out how we solve systems of differential equations using eigen values and vectors. It would have been most fascinating if I wasn't doing this for an exam. Le sadness.

I also realised that I can post to both my MSN Space and blogspot page at the same time...so I am much pleased by the discovery.

Ok. Back to work...30 minutes till I wake Nasser up and reassure him that we are positively screwed for this exam. Cheers!

Sunrise on campus.

I kinda overslept last day because my body couldn't really function otherwise. I needed the sleep badly. Unfortunately though, with just a day left before my two exams on consecutive days, that marathon sleep was a big loss of time. To make up for it, I have decided to run a marathon study session. And of course, to keep me from falling asleep, I have decided to do that here on campus. Currently, it has been just about 9 hours since I have come here. I am going to be here till around 10 pm in the night I think. Have an exam tomorrow on Properties (of materials in Electrical Eng).

What prompted me to write this, taking a break from my studies, is the sight that I am beholding out of the windows of this computer lab. It's about 5 30 am in the morning and the light of day will be here soon enough. This is definitely not the first time I am witnessing the sunrise in the morning. In fact, I probably see the sunrise more often than I see the sun set these days. What makes it kind of special is the fact that I am on campus as this is happening. And unfortunately, I seem to be the only one still here on this side of the campus at least. I wish I didn't have to struggle so much while others fared better. Sigh^infinity.

Another reason for writing this blog is to warm up this new blogspot page and also, it's an excuse for getting away from the academics for a while. Heh.

So..I am looking forward to a breakfast at Tim Horton's soon.. and then it's back to the work as usual. Oh crap. I just yawned. Not a good thing to be sleepy so early in my scheduled day of work. Arrite..I better head back to my work then. Good day to you all!

Cheers!

Birth of the cranium.

And so begins the journey on blogspot. Will update as I can. No promises regarding frequency of posts. No promises regarding worthiness of content. This page might be empty forever.