Reflection - Tool

Reflection - Tool


It's calling me...

And in my darkest moment, feeble and weeping
The moon tells me a secret, a confidant
As full and bright as I am
This light is not my own and
A million light reflections pass over me
Its source is bright and endless
She resuscitates the hopeless
Without her, we are lifeless satellites drifting

And as I pull my head out I am without one doubt
You wanna peer down here survey my narcissism
I must crucify the ego before it's far too late
I pray the light lifts me out
Before I pine away.

Broken

A small worm crawled on the top of a railing. A railing that was around the roof-top of a 20 storied building. The sun was about to peep over the buildings of the city to finally call it dawn. The fog would probably take another hour or two to clear. A cold winter breeze gently swayed all the leaves on the top of that building. A girl walked walked up the stairs, through the door and out into the open. Under the open sky..she looked up and just wished for a moment that it was clear and sunny and warm on this winter morning. She decided to hang around for a while till the fog cleared. Had nothing much to do anyways..She flinched as she noticed the creepy crawler on the railing and just walked away in the opposite direction. The top of the building was pretty large and open..it was pleasurable to just wander around aimlessly.

In a small pile stashed away at a corner of this land, she had a bunch of the most random objects. Among them, was a small tin box full of little notes and scrap paper. The words on them without much value or meaning. But she was of the kind who wasn't a big fan of throwing things out. Everything she ever owned, ever made, ever became related to, turned in to a token of her memory. These little notes wouldn't make much sense to just anyone..twisted and metaphorical as they were. She was rummaging through the notes that day...one of these small pieces had a dark brown stain at a corner. She kind of smiled. It was a broken smile, reminding her of the time she bled from wounds she made herself. "It didn't hurt when.." she stopped her thought right there. Those were bad times...a time where she didn't really know the difference between day and night. Or rather..it was just all too foggy for her to have known. She found another note...almost felt embarrassed to read aloud her words in her own mind. She was..under the influence. Pins and needles..but of a whole different kind. She remembered those days..and just put the lid back on.

She glanced at the sun to see how far above the horizon it has gone...or maybe she was just trying to take her mind off for a bit..breathe a bit of the fresh air and just enjoy the misty weather. She scanned her eyes over the rest of the stuff...She knew from the changed positions that someone had his/her hands on her pile of stuff - maybe they were just looking for something useful. Heh. They sure didn't find anything. After all, it was just a collection of trash for anyone else - it even included a ceramic vase which has been glued together from pieces.

It was her favourite vase. During those times of pins and needles...one morning, she found it broken in her room. Given her level of attachment to even these inanimate objects, it's not too difficult to imagine how much pain she suffered for breaking something valued so much. The floor was wet..and the flowers, the stem and the leaves were strewn all over. She picked up all the pieces...careful to not leave out even the smallest of the pieces. Thankfully, it didn't shatter in to too many pieces...After letting the pieces dry for a while, she put them in a cardboard box and stashed it away in her closet.

It was only after a year or two that she brought out that cardboard box again. She was no longer under the leash...she was a free girl with a renewed spirit for life. As a challenge, and as a hobby, she decided to solve this puzzle in 3 dimensions. With a pack of superglue in stock, and after a few months of trial and error, she finally got the vase back to it's original shape. She took a billion pictures of it as she celebrated her success. She felt proud..content.

However, soon after, she got bored of it...and while giving her room a complete make over, she decided to put away the vase along with her other random junk on the rooftop of her building. There was no point in cluttering her apartment with these..and not a single soul in the building minded her using a bit of the roof-top space.

As the sun kept creeping higher in the sky and the fog got thinner..the sun started to shine its weak rays at the vase in the girl's hand. She looked at it...the lines where the pieces were brought together have collected some dust along the crease. They stood out and mapped the fragments out. She run her finger tip across the lines..thinking back about how proud she was to have built the vase back from scratch..but at the same time..she got reminded of the day she found it broken because of her own wasted time in life.

She was beginning to feel the warmth of the sun..finally. The morning mist was finally thinning out to give her a clear view of the city's skyline. The smog from the city's pollution smudged out the horizon..obviously. The girl felt happy. She looked up at the sky..and saw some nice white innocent clouds against the pale blue sky. She smiled. It's only possible for someone who has smiled at mother nature to know what it really feels like. She felt connected to the world. She felt happy - content with the world as it is. She headed towards the direction where she saw that worm earlier...It wasn't on the railing anymore..After minutes of looking around..through the leafy plants growing in pots around the roof, she found it. She realized this little bug was merely going from one plant to another. Slightly amused at her analysis of this little part of nature, she smirked.

It was time for her to go back to her apartment...so she closed the door behind her..and started off just another usual day - feeling completely refreshed by the clean morning air.

A grain of cinnamon

I am at the edge now..

I see the light coming through the window, I see the pale blue sky. Nothing exciting in the clouds, no shapes that make me wonder what they are. Nothing through the window beyond the usual urban skyline. Tops of houses, antennae and chimneys not in use. Not a picture out of a book or a frame out of a movie. It's just..another day from real life. But i am glad. I am no longer in that violent swirl, that whirlpool that sinks me to the bottom. That dark floor of the white ceramic world. Being ground against the walls as I am swirled around in that cyclone, i cried for help. But it was all muffled and subdued in that fluid of doom. All our cries..all our pain - they are all sucked in towards the center.

It was only a while ago that I was rescued. The most violent scene I have witnessed so far. As we moved in a circle near the edge of the world, we watched a huge dark void approaching us. It was a gross and haunting sight indeed...the mass of darkness surrounded by pink - with grooves and folds and creases all over it...till it faded, quite sharply actually, into a dessert of sandy brown..

The artifact appeared to be larger and larger - it was coming close, faster every moment. And then it happened. It touched the edge of our planet and it seemed that it's power was unleashed in an instant.

The darkness was an even powerful vortex than the one on our own planet. It sucked up the liquid at one end...I cannot describe in words how horrific the sight was - my friends..my fellow beings on this cruel world were being sucked up along with the liquid. They cried for help at the top of their voices. Everyone was powerless...everyone was being pulled towards the feared maelstrom..Helplessly we stared above watching our friends being taken away in to the dark abyss that had come to overtake our world.

In this chaotic state of confusion (excuse the redundancy..), little did I realize that I was much closer to the upward stream myself than I thought. I felt the sudden thrust as I reached the upward stream..I closed my eyes and prepared for it all to end. And it did.

I felt nothing..it was strangely cold. Reminded me of the days when I was in my home world - when I was surrounded by just my own and no one else. we had occasional quakes..but soon we all got used to them. I didn't know however, that with each quake we lost so many of our own from our world. That's just how I came to be here in this wet world - so different than my home..so many different beings with me here..

I opened my eyes. And I saw the window. I looked around. I could see the world I was in all this while, just below me. The dark void of doom above, was no longer there. I could breathe with ease. I stood up on the glassy floor under me.

I understood I was at the edge. I tried to jump over..to the other side that we all wondered about for all this while. But I couldn't move anymore..I was paralyzed. I was paralyzed by what I saw. I am not sure how long it had been since I reached that edge and how long i stayed there in my coma. But...it was time...

I decided to close my eyes, and ignore my senses as I waited for my end. I tried not to imagine how my fellows must have felt when they were sucked in by the dark vortex...At the last moment..I couldn't help my help my curiosity. I opened my eyes for a spare moment..and my last memory was that of the light around be being completely blocked out...i was inside it. It was warm. I do not know where i was..where i ended up being...

Soon..i just faded..

Leaves and Petals

Ok. So I believe it is time to write to my dear blog once again - addressed in third person as always.

The last time I wrote was in mid-June, so it has been about four and a half months since then. In mid-June, I was in Bangladesh enjoying one of the best summers of my life. It was a challenging year of McGill from August 2006 to May 2007, and it was absolutely awesome to be back home with my family and friends. It's pointless to go on about how I loved to be in the company of my family again - that is obvious. The four months went by sooner than I ever wanted it to. It was long enough however, to build few of the dearest memories in my life. At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, it was a life-changing experience.. Not in the way where I came back from death or something of that sort. It was just as if someone pressed F5 on my emotions for a quick refresh.

That much needed summer break is now a memory alright, but it lives on in my heart every single day. Sounds cliched, I know. But two months in to university again, amidst all the stress, the pressure, the hectic life, I find my solace in my memories. They hurt, they mend, they inspire.

I remember writing last year how amazingly fast university life is. It seems even faster this time. I have just 3 more weeks till finals, and then I am done with my 3rd semester at McGill. That's 1.5 years out of 4. So close to the halfway mark already. It seems only yesterday that I landed in Montreal again, moved in to my own apartment, bought all the textbooks and started to get settled here.. And at the same time, it seems like ages since I have seen my family, hugged them or kissed them. Time is a cunning foe. It's either too fast or too slow to be happy about it.

And now for the meaningless cryptic words that make my blogs just mine.
In the dark night skies, the stars shine..but I once read (and mentioned in one of my blogs) that you often don't see a star if you look directly at it. I forgot what the explanation was. But it happens that you can see some stars only when you are looking away. You see them from the corner of your eye. Sometimes, you just don't have to stare at the star to appreciate its beauty..You just know...and keep it subtle. Imagine a plant in a forest. Watching the sun and the moon shine day and night. Heh. i would imagine the plant to want all the light to shine only upon itself. I mean..they are green anyways. But anyways..I suppose..for a big tree...it really shouldn't matter if there's just weed growing around..A big tree has the sun and moon as its friend. Knows that it's closer to the light than anything else lying around.

Leaves shed, petals fall, branches are cut. But the roots stay strong and the plant lives through the cold winter. The sun and the moon shine on too...perhaps the clouds in the sky make the silly earthly beings wonder about the whereabouts of the mighty stellar bodies..but there really isn't a need for worry..unless someone is in dire need of wood..

 

To get back to sanity..or the insanity of McGill rather, I have two midterms this week. Another the week after. And this is also the second set of midterms..So yeah. It's not funny how crazy the schedules are, how crazy the demands from the courses are. But it's to be done. Soon..all this will be over. Soon, I will look back and say..oh those crazy not-retarded-at-all times. Right now, if I had a time machine, I would prolly not go around looking for tutenkhamun's real face..or look for Fry in the year 3000. I would just live my summer months over and over again. Or maybe just move ahead 3/4 years and live from there.

Oh well..time to get back to work now. Should be updating this over winter if all is well...or not well.. who knows. Take care and good bye!