Dreaming

I had a dream last night. One of those dreams that feel real. I don't quite know if it was one of those which I want to be real..but i know..that i was happy for the while. I was happy while it lasted.

Maybe it was induced by my habit of playing a particular playlist of selected songs which I used to use for falling asleep a long time back.

"A Sranger" by A Perfect Circle will always be one of my favourites and some tracks from Nine Inch Nail's album Still will always calm me down.

Maybe I do want some things to be true. Or not. I don't know really.

Lecter Lecture

I am not sure how good of a decision it was to watch The Silence of The Lambs at midnight. I have always meant to watch this movie..and now I have just completed it. It wasn't as horrific as I expected it to be. It wasn't too gory and didn't come out from the behind to spook the crap out of me. It was just the sort of horror I can enjoy.

Like the millions, I thoroughly enjoyed Hannibal's ability to just read people. Obviously, things aren't like that in reality usually.

Life changes. I change. Some things never change though. And those are our memories. How we look back at those memories, and how they make us feel in the present keep changing though. The present...sigh. the present.

Nostalgic as I am by nature, I tend to look back at the past very often. It's not a very nice thing really. Especially when some of the happiest memories of mine seem so far away in the past. My heart sinks when I realize that I might never set my foot along those paths I have taken in the past; I might never feel the same way about the same thing. I feel a very deep hollow. I try to ignore..and maybe most people just keep on ignoring for the most of their life. That's perhaps the price one has to pay for happiness I suppose. But what about this very realization of ignorance? Doesn't that only aggravate the situation? Make things worse to cope with? Make happiness come from nothing but ignorance?

Well I suppose that IS right. Bliss is found in nothing but ignorance. Responsibility and awareness about everything only makes the mind feel burdened. Not the way to be happy I am guessing.

I wonder what has happened..but I have stopped caring about a lot of things that I cared about before. Hmm..doesn't make too much sense I guess..but hey..lemme ramble and you can shut up for now.

MEH. Whatever. I hope I find myself somewhere in the future. Maybe one day I'll find the world the way it was when I lost it and be happy about it. if that is to happen..i pray that the world doesn't change too much..i pray the world has nothing new to add to my burdens..
Or I'll find a whole new place. a whole new time. and if i do, i pray that i forget, what i was.

Keane?

So I downloaded some Keane music recently..and i liked quite a few of the tracks (musically..)

this one is from Your Eyes Open:

Well it's a lonely road that you have chosen
Morning comes and you don't want to know me anymore
And it's a long time since your heart was frozen
Morning comes and you don't want to know me anymore
For a moment your eyes open and you know
All the things I ever wanted you to know
I don't know you, and I don't want to
Till the moment your eyes open and you know

pretty cool stuff.

Nightmare @ Eden

In the darkness
Standing in the shadows
With the ivy full of lethal sap
Crawling it's way up
Binding and bonding
With what once drew the birds
called the bees
tainted with tar  this being
what was once..a long while back
akin to the rainbows in the skies
...

ankle deep in sorrow
knees bent with the burden
on the shoulders scarred and wounded
tears hidden in the shades
as the thorns pierce in to the eyes
poisoning the blood with doom
filling the being with the present
blinded not by the light..
but from it..
deaf to all
-save the cries of surrender.

Finals aren't getting to me, I am getting to finals.

Ok guys. It's time for some serious talk now. WHAT HAS THIS WORLD COME TO?

Babies in our days would be applauded for saying "mama" or even better "googoogaagaa" as their first words! With the affairs of the world as they are today, soon enough they will say "Osamama" or "boom boom". No seriously, ever since I remember watching news, I remember war on TV. I remember watching guns fired, tanks rolling, bulletproof undies on super models and what not!

I think we humans just need to get over the idea of war. Or maybe, not call it war and not give it a completely negative intonation all the time. We should lighten up a bit maybe eh? How about calling it  "Human Death In the House PARTAY! W00T!"? Wait that doesn't abbreviate to a nice thing...so let's call it AHEP? Artificial Human Extinction Project? no that doesn't sound exciting enough. Let's just keep to WAR. WAT IS RONG?!

wtf mate. i was linked to this article the other day by a friend and it was about political correctness in the UK. The article went on to describe so many different cases of ridiculous political correctness fads. No more "christmas" on holiday season cards. No more arresting criminals since they are praying in a mosque. (Hell do their prayers even count if they are criminals..oh yeah..they are seeking mercy from god..but they can do that from jail too i would think?). Serving black jelly beans being labelled a racist deed. Wearing crosses for them airline crews in no visible manner only. GOOOBADY GOOBAGAWHAA? political correctness? seriously? Who is making up these rules? Who is being the judge for controlling the threshold of sensitivity? Alright. Whoever YOU ARE MR./MS SMARTYPANTS (mr/ms - have to be politically correct you know..) PLEASE NOTE DOWN THAT I DO NOT LIKE ANYBODY ELSE BEING CALLED TAWFIK.

Ok so for all of you who are about to say: "Oh no Tawfik you have a point but you are over simplifying the issue and generalizing it beyond what it deserves"
WELL YES I AM! AND MY DAD IS STRONGER THAN YOURS AND MY MUM IS COOLER THAN ALL OF YOUR MUMS! *ooooh burnnnnnn* *eat that shetbags!*

So yeah. The next time i call a white person white, a black person black and a brown person caramel topped with chocolate shavings, PLEASE don't call me racist. If you want racism well get this:

I'll give you 5 seconds to remember the name of a non-white, non-mutant super hero. -_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_ annnndd...? ok fine Lantern Man or whatever his name is..Oh and the weather girl from X-men. BUT..mutant! haha... Anybody else from the mainstream super hero gallery? well none that I could personally remember. So anyways. Point is there are many superheros that I don't really know, and i am sure there are many which are not of the same race as batman, superman (wait..he's an alien..) or spiderman. Batman is my all-time favourite btw...just saying.

Well ok. I have a lot of friends here at mcgill and some of them are really smart. Yeah some of them. At the McGill Institute of Imaging Research, there are a couple of friends who deal with photo manipulation and they perform what I would call magic. I asked them what it would be like if James Bond was from the Indian subcontinent. After days of playing around with pixels and connecting a couple of PS3's together to gather enough computing power, the guys managed to obtain a mind blowing result. Here it is:
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2261/2099203686_dca44e1dc7.jpg?v=0
OR
http://flickr.com/photos/7617731@N02/2099203686/

To be race-neutral, I have asked them to produce similar results for the asian version and the black version of james bond too. Results are being eagerly awaited.

Racial discrimination. IMO, that's perfectly FINE. *runs for life*

haha. ok wait. rephrase: in my humble opinion, (i am the best and you suck..hehe) racism is racism when we think that some particular person is bad/good/superior/inferior because of that person's race. If someone calls me a brown(ie), I wouldn't mind. What's there to mind really? :S If I DID mind though..I would instantly become racist myself. I mean..why should I assume that the person who's calling me brown is assuming an inferior/superior position than myself because I am brown..? I mean I am dashingly sexily handsome and what not (but that's just me..)..and that doesn't make me a better/smarter/more-capable person in any way.

lalalalalaaaaaaa (8) let's all celebrate our differences and not have war. let us kneel down to the true MASTER. let us look up at it with joy and expectations. All praise...the Ripe Banana (it's got black brown and yellow bits...[notice how i had to sort the races alphabetically?..sigh])

ok back to work :-\

DISCLAIMER:
fellow humans, this was just another random rant with a bit of paint work. i am not aware of any mcgill institute by the name i mentioned. and also i love you all. racism is SOOOO out. it's a thing of the past..and we should all just move on and live happily ever after. thank you for reading :)

With every tear...

...you go back one year.

It has snowed quite a bit already this year. Last night there were trucks clearing the sidewalks and the streets off the snow. They were loud enough to make the windows shake. Expecting more snowfall on Monday.

I miss home. I miss my family. I miss my room. I feel bad. Really bad.
I seek certainty in everything. I live on certainties and lead everyday to make whatever is uncertain, certain. My career is uncertain. That's why I am studying. But that doesn't mean I am unaware of the randomness of this world and its beings. I hold the random dear to my heart. But some things have to pass through this filter of randomness and stay as solid as they need be. My home, people I hold dear to my heart - they are at heart in their places. They aren't subject to the randomness of the world. Well they are. Maybe.

A long time back...perhaps 10 years ago, I was at a shopping centre (much like Provigo, but the middle eastern kind) with my parents. The shopping carts were my imaginary spaceships. My parents were my comrades (they had to be...otherwise the game wouldn't play right in my head - you know, i would have to change the storyline every time they dragged me somewhere). So on that particular evening, I think i ventured too much by myself and at one point i got lost. I couldn't find my parents anywhere. I kind of ran with my head towards the left looking at every aisle as i crossed them. They weren't there. I was filled with a horrible feeling of being lonely in a big world.

Soon after I found them though (they didn't really notice i was lost for a bit..). Inside, I was so happy I found my spaceship and my comrades. But while I was lost..it wasn't really that space game which continued to play on in my head. It was a very different thriller all together.

...A random anecdote there..

take for granted

1. To consider as true, real, or forthcoming; anticipate correctly.

2. To underestimate the value of: a publisher who took the editors for granted.

I take a lot of things for granted. By definition 1. Wasn't quite aware of definition 2 till today. My vocab is as limited as a bat's vision.

sigh..enough of non-sense rants..

Back to life. If I have one. :P

Good day!

Reflection - Tool

Reflection - Tool


It's calling me...

And in my darkest moment, feeble and weeping
The moon tells me a secret, a confidant
As full and bright as I am
This light is not my own and
A million light reflections pass over me
Its source is bright and endless
She resuscitates the hopeless
Without her, we are lifeless satellites drifting

And as I pull my head out I am without one doubt
You wanna peer down here survey my narcissism
I must crucify the ego before it's far too late
I pray the light lifts me out
Before I pine away.